Another Mile of the Journey

January 7, 2015

Thanks to everyone who rejoiced so exuberantly with Sarah on her big accomplishment yesterday.  You made her day! (By the way, she left a little thank you in the comments area.)

 

Sarah and I are headed out to Greenville in just a few minutes but before we go, I wanted to check in with our wonderful Smithellaneous family, especially those of you who have let us know in such gracious, compassionate ways that your prayers and hugs are going right along with us. 

I can’t stand the thought of my sweet girl’s entire day consisting entirely of just five long road hours and a scary, unsettling medical procedure so I’m having us leave a little earlier than necessary. That way I can introduce her to my favorite thrift store and we can have time for lunch at Chick-fil-A. 

We’re due for preliminary paperwork at 2 p.m. and then the core needle biopsy will start about 2:30.  From what I understand, she’ll be back there around 60-90 minutes. 

It’s very strange to enter into this new season of Sarah having medical procedures as an adult. When she was going through cancer treatment as a child, I was so used to going back with her for every minute of the surgery prep and for many of the smaller procedures.  (Including a bone marrow aspiration where I almost passed out.) 

Now that she’s a grown up lady though, she’ll go back by herself and get herself ready and I will sit in the waiting room and fight the urge to pull out my Mama Card and burst through those forbidden doors uninvited, all the while screeching, “I want to be with my daughter!”  Sigh.

Steve would have gladly gone with us today but since there won’t yet be any results, and since Sarah and I are lengthening the trip for a bit of girl time, I told him we would be fine on our own.  In the course of our lives and ministry, he and I go and sit with many families while their loved ones are in surgery so a waiting room is a very comfortable place for me to be.

I did get a call earlier this week from our associate/youth pastor, Mary Ann Sherwood, who said she is going to drive over to Greenville to pray with Sarah before her procedure, which is so sweet of her. We are blessed to be a part of the most loving, compassionate church on the planet.

As far as when we’ll get results: with an uncomplicated biopsy, results are usually available within 2-3 days.  In more complicated cases (where additional testing has to be done on the tissue samples) it could take as long as a week.  (Have I ever mentioned how much I disliked waiting?). 

Our family has waited so many times on the dozens of tests, biopsies and procedures that Sarah went through during her two years of active treatment. I remember one particular time being in the grocery store when Sarah’s oncologist called me with a piece of not-so-good news. After clicking off my cell, I stood completely still in the cereal aisle for the longest time–not seeing anything, not hearing anything, not even feeling anything.  It occurred to me at that point that the only thing worse than waiting for news is getting bad news.

And as much as I try to think positive and be cheerful and tell myself that most biopsies come back okay, my mind tends to wander towards Sarah’s cancer history, and my cancer history and the fact that she is prone to secondary cancers. Then I feel a swell of panic, a rush of fear.

Even if this biopsy comes back as benign, I worry over the rest of her life, when every lump and bump will be cause for concern and there will be more biopsies and more waiting. I have spent the last twenty years of my life undergoing every single breast biopsy procedure there is. (And I’m not exaggerating one single bit when I say that.)  Steve and I always wondered that if at some point, breasts which continued to create things that shouldn’t be there would eventually create something malignant. Unfortunately, mine  did.

But I didn’t start that whole, stressful process until I was in my mid-30’s and Sarah is only nineteen. She also developed colon polyps when she was only eighteen years old. It makes me wonder and worry if her body is on some sort of a sped up timetable, and what all that will mean in her future.  (Big sigh.)

I really didn’t mean to go into a long speech about all this; it’s just early in the morning and my mama heart is carrying too many words and worries to hold them all in.

It’s time to get ready and go, time to face the music, time to face the future, time to enjoy the day as much as possible with this beautiful,wise, concerned-but-calm daughter of mine.

Thank you for carrying us in your hearts today as we travel another mile of her journey.

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56 comments so far.

56 responses to “Another Mile of the Journey”

  1. Katie Gardner says:

    Becky, you guys are on my mind a lot because I
    know what you are going through! Sheryl has recently had her second surgery for Thyroid cancer. And they are talking about chemotherapy again!
    Praying for all of you!
    Katie Gardner

    • Becky says:

      Katie,

      It’s so nice to hear from you! I know that all the surgeries, and tests, and waiting for results can be so wearisome . . . many hugs to you both.

  2. SueEllen says:

    I read your “after” post before this one, so I know you are waiting extra long for results. With the extra testing, did you still get to explore your thrift store? Treasure hunting like that is one of my favorite things to do!

    • Becky says:

      Sue Ellen,

      We did get to some thrifting. Such fun! And we found a new thrift store she loves–Plato’s Closet, a national chain for teens and college kids.

  3. Jill says:

    I saw your post on FB earlier and knew she was having the biopsy. I said a prayer then and another one now for quick and good results!

    And congratulations to Sarah on her license! My 19 yr old daughter waited an extra year to get hers. She was in no hurry to drive. She seems a lot like Sarah to me. I guess Sarah will be driving off to her college classes this semester!

  4. Katrina says:

    Thinking of you <3

  5. Catherine says:

    Prayed… Hope, love,peace, healing ,understanding. All these I prayed for. Along with safe travels. Hugs to all! And I hope you enjoyed your shopping excursion!!

  6. Lesley says:

    It should be over by now(5:17pm) and I hope she is still standing tall and you guys are on your way home. At least that part is over.

  7. Jennifer says:

    I have been thinking about you and praying for you all day.

  8. Linda in Pgh says:

    Sending positive thoughts, love and prayers your way. Will be anxiously waiting along with you, all your family and the entire Smithellaneous family for the results and praying that the new is good. Hugs to all of you.
    Linda in Pittsburgh

  9. Kristina says:

    <3

  10. Sara Jackson says:

    It’s 2:28 here in Knightdale & I’m stopping by to pray for a smooth procedure as well as peace and comfort for you all. Been following for many many years, but first time commenting. The Lord put it on my heart to make sure you knew of yet another person who is so touched by your family.

  11. Kristi says:

    I echo Mary H.’s comment… You are not alone in waiting. There are many of us there in spirit with you and Sarah. Many prayers and hugs!!

  12. Cindy from Sonoma says:

    The waiting to hear results is so hard, many prayers will continue! So glad you and Sarah will at least have some fun today.

  13. Phyllis says:

    Prayers for Sarah and for Mom today and for the waiting.

  14. Mel says:

    Praying for the entire Smith family today.

  15. Jan (from Toledo) says:

    Thinking of you.

  16. Margie M says:

    Praying for you as you travel( & shop!)

  17. Nicole says:

    Will be praying for all of you today, along with the drs and nurses. It is so hard when our kids become adults and we have to sit in the waiting room….just had to do that in Aug when my daughter had shoulder surgery. Not an easy thing. growing up is hard! Enjoy your lunch today!

  18. Eva says:

    Travelling with you always, in confidence and trust… holding hands from afar and whispering words of companinonship in your ears… With huge congrats too to Sarah for passing her driving license!

  19. Pam D says:

    Praying praying.. all day I’ve been praying. Love that picture of a reflective, reflected Sarah. Love you all. You have definitely had more that your share of hallway time, waiting… praying hard that you will get a quick and positive response.

  20. Guerrina says:

    Have been lifting you up since I got up this morning. Now adding special prayers for the “Mama’s heart”.

  21. Shawn says:

    Thinking about you and praying for great results. Have fun with mom today.

  22. Holly Hart says:

    I am in prayer for you this morning. I think it’s wonderful you have this safe place to share all those fears and thoughts. It certainly doesn’t take the worry away, but I think when you say your fears out loud and share them, it takes some of their power away. I have found in my own life that once you get that bad result you never quite go into a screening test the same again. You lose that blind trust. I hope you girls enjoy your shopping, lunch and fellowship. My heart is full of love and hope for you, and I will be joining all the others in asking God to take good care of our precious Sarah (and her Mom and Dad)!

    Love,
    Holly

    • Becky says:

      Holly,

      I love that you call this blog a safe place; I fell that way about it myself and I hope my readers (and commenters) do as well.

      And it’s so true that sharing our fears is a big help in dealing with them; it makes them not seem quite as large when they’re spoken (or written) out loud.

  23. Rhonda Chesney says:

    Praying for good results! Sending you lots of love & hugs to get you both through the day!

  24. dmantik says:

    We love you and will be praying. So glad you are mixing in a little fun to to temper the hard stuff. Love deb and the guys

  25. Sending good thoughts and prayers for you both today. Safe travels!

    Love, hugs and ladybugs…..

  26. Joleen says:

    Praying for you all. Becky, I just can’t even imagine the heartache you have as a mother. Sarah is such an amazing young lady, who shines with such beauty, in every single way. I am a grown woman with three children, and Sarah teaches me so much about life. It makes me so sad that this is part of your lives, but I really am so thankful that you all are willing to share your testimony and allow God to use you. Sending my hugs, love and prayers to you all.

    • Becky says:

      Joleen,

      I am just honored to be able to share my story with people like you and my other readers who have such truly caring and compassionate hearts. Thank you for your words.

  27. Ann Martin says:

    Praying for safe travels and peace for all. God’s arms are wrapped around you and so are our prayers. Love you all. Enjoy the time together and please know you are not alone.

  28. Elizabeth says:

    Praying!

  29. Tiffany Hawkins says:

    Praying for you both today… and can I just say, I LOVE the picture of Sarah at the end… that is beyond cool!! 🙂 I hope things go smoothly for you Sarah, and can’t wait to see the post that will hopefully have good news, and you can begin the new semester at school with a light heart!! Congratulations on your license as well… Abby, my oldest, is hoping to get hers in the next few weeks… she is able to January 13… just don’t think we will be ready with insurance and such by that point!
    Sending big hugs and lots of prayers to you today… you are awesome… don’t ever forget that… and your mom is pretty awesome too! 🙂 Have fun shopping, and get a cookies and cream milkshake… that makes things better at our house always!!

  30. Patti says:

    Prayers as you go thru this. Enjoy a fun girl time and ease some worries as you visit the thrift shop. Love those thrift stores.

  31. Mary H says:

    I hope you can feel that you are not waiting alone. That cyberspace Waiting Room of Smithellaneous is full and overflowing with support, prayers and our virtual presence. I have said many prayers for Sarah in the past days and especially today and will continue to do so. Love to both. I am in awe of Sarah’s beauty which just blossoms more and more every day, inside and out. Sarah’s strength and grace will carry her through.

  32. Anonymous says:

    Thinking positive thoughts

  33. Renee says:

    Good vibes and warm hugs are sent your way. Thinking of you and Sarah and the rest of family.

  34. Marjie says:

    Been praying off an on all night everytime I woke up. Said a rosary for her and you and the surgical team. Will continue to pray!! Safe travels!!! Hugs from Iowa!

  35. LeeAnne says:

    Praying for you all today!!

  36. Suzanne says:

    Praying for peace and comfort as well as a painfree biopsy today and for good results as quickly as they can read them. You have been on my heart a lot over the last weeks and the waiting is so very hard. Many hugs and blessings…

  37. Melanie says:

    What a blessing to know your thoughts. Thank you for sharing Becky. So glad to have gotten to hug you girls and have the privilege to pray for all three of you.

  38. Sandra Gleason says:

    Praying for peace and strength for you two today.

  39. Karen Baumgardner says:

    Prayers of peace and strength! He is with you!

  40. Vicki says:

    Prayers for peace and courage.

  41. PaigePaige says:

    Thinking of you today. Sarah’s biopsy was my first thought when I woke. Hoping this is just a scare but standing alongside you if it’s more.

  42. beckylp says:

    praying all day for Sarah, you, Steve and the hands that will preform the procedure. May the Lord bless you..all the days of your life. Psalm 128:5 – today may he pour more blessings on you all then stars in the sky

  43. JennyJoT says:

    Praying SO hard for you gals today. I know God is going to give you some precious mama-daughter time and I hope you can both revel in that.
    “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13

  44. Mrs. Pam says:

    i’ve been praying for God’s Healing Hand to gently touch Sarah. The picture of Sarah’s hand touching its reflection seems to be echoing my prayer.

  45. Judy says:

    May God bring you the peace you need for this day………..rest in his arms as He holds you a little closer.

  46. Donna says:

    Praying for your family!

  47. Kim Berndt says:

    Be bold…..be strong…..for the Lord of God is with you!!! Standing with you in MUCH prayer. You both will be greatly on my heart today…..and in the coming days!

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