Fragile Feet

May 28, 2018

Before getting to today’s post, I wanted to mention that Meagan, 30 weeks pregnant, was admitted to the hospital late Saturday night with contractions. She is getting magnesium and shots of steroids for the baby’s lungs. If the contractions stop, she can go home later today. If not, she will have to stay longer. Thank you for your prayers for her and Baby Smith.

 

And now here’s today’s post which I mostly wrote last Saturday morning.

I am sitting upstairs in my easy chair by the window thinking that the past decade has done a little whipping up on me in the area of health with COPD, Rheumatoid Arthritis and breast cancer on my ailment list.

And then to add to said list, I just had to go to the doctor yesterday for some foot issues. I am hobbling around like I am ten years north of a hundred and five.

Outside my window, I see a young woman in her early twenties, jogging merrily past the house, moving easily and breathing in the glories of this late spring weather. She is fabulously fleet-footed and I am pretty sure that various parts of her body don’t creak and crackle when she goes down the stairs in the morning, like a particular blogger that I know.

It’s just slightly depressing to have to look at healthy joggers when one is an inveterate non-jogger. I actually think there should be secluded paths in towns reserved just for those energetic creatures who bound out of bed, fly down the road and make the rest of us feel like a first cousin (twice removed) to a sloth.

But in my feeble defense, Steve and I had been walking and biking together up until the point when my foot decided it would throw a little fit. Both the x-ray (and the doctor) proclaimed my problem to be a combination of unhappy tendons, plantar fasciitis, and a heel spur.  In addition, there is a mysterious bulbous swelling on the side of my ankle which he said seems to be unrelated to the other problems but was not worrisome.

Not worrisome? Okay. If you say so.

Although going to the doctor is not my favorite thing to do, the experience was made much better by being taken there by Sarah. She fussed over me, opened my car door, and offered her arm for walking. As we sat in the room waiting for the doctor (with me on the exam table and her on the chair) she commented that this was the first time in almost twenty-three years that she and I have ever sat in those reversed positions. It was such a joy to be chauffeured about by my precious, professional doctor-going daughter. 

Oh wait.  Back to my looking-out-the-window easy chair.

The same young woman just jogged by again except this time she is going even faster. I guess she wants to get her point across that she is out there jogging and I am not. I am lolling about in my robe, with a mysteriously swollen (but non-worrisome ankle) and a trio of foot problems residing therein.  

In my defense, it is my morning off and it is perfectly acceptable to not get out of bed at 5:30 a.m., like I usually do. But still.  Does she have to jog by my house (twice) on the morning that I am still in my bathrobe?

I guess I could go out there and ask her to stop. But my fragile foot won’t allow it.

And here’s some other non-happy, foot news. The doctor didn’t say it but when I told Steve about the lineup of ailments I had been presented with he said, “I wonder if that means you will have to change the kind of shoes you wear.”

WHAT?  My shoes?  Do NOT touch my shoes.

I have a fairly large, lovingly curated collection of shoes, most of which I paid an average of $4 for at thrift stores,  They are cute and fun and, by and large, quite comfortable. They have put the perfect exclamation point on many an outfit through the years.

I repeat. Do NOT mess with the shoes. Mysterious, bulbous swelling or not. Painful heel spur, or not. Leave my shoes alone.

Oh great.  I just looked out the window again and saw a guy about my age whizzing by on a bicycle. 

Did he read my mind? Did he know I was just thinking that it’s fine and dandy for a young woman to be out there exercising, full of vigor and youthful spirits but since I am hobbling my way to the far side of middle age, I can’t be expected to get out there and be all energetic. 

Can I?

Well, shoot. I guess I can. I guess I often am. Just not today. Today is my day for a bathrobe and melancholy thoughts and a swollen (but non-worrisome ankle) and pain that shoots through my heel and a few scattered moments of feeling less than Pollyanna-ish.  It would be really helpful to my small pity party if all of these exercise-y people would just  . . .

Oh. Wait.

I kid you not.

The same woman is jogging by yet again.

Sometimes when I look at people jogging I am filled with such a great sense of envy. I am reminded of one of my favorite Bible verses that says, “They shall run and not be weary. They shall walk and not faint.”  And I think it would be so wonderful to be able to be run and not be weary.

But I do get weary when I run. I get weary by about the ninth step.

And that’s because I have arthritic knees, COPD’d lungs, a few extra pounds and (let’s not forget) non-worrisome swelling and a veritable laundry list of painful, foot-related symptoms.

On most days (that aren’t this day) I generally keep a good attitude about life. I use my sore and stiff fingers to play the piano, blog, take pictures, do graphic design, and cook dinner for my family. I wait for all my bones and joints to wake up and then I walk or bike, always grateful for the ability to move, ever thankful for the ocean-scented air that I am blessed to breathe, even with non-perfect lungs.

And during my walks, my thoughts sometimes wander to two women, both connected with this blog.

Stephanie (the daughter of long-time blog reader, Anne) is a human rights lawyer who lives and works in war zones and is also an ultra marathoner, running races of up to a hundred miles and doing so in places like jungles, deserts and mountains.

She inspires me because she runs right up to the edge of her endurance and then she just keeps on going. She has run injured and run while vomiting, and run to the point where she can’t stop even for a second or she would fall asleep and fall off the mountain. Her determination amazes me and even more so, her fierce fight for the rights of people in Afghanistan and Gaza and other places where she has lived and worked.  

The other woman, Jenna, is a frequent Smithellaneous reader.

For the past couple of years, Jenna has not been able to walk unassisted and also uses a communication device to talk. But rather than be confined or defined by those difficulties, she has turned them into an opportunity to become a strong advocate for people with disabilities. She has refused to let her own challenges slow her down as she has adopted two children and lives an active, full life with her husband and family in Canada.  Jenna is a gifted writer with much wisdom and compassion to share and she inspires me by the way she intentionally lives beyond herself to impact the lives of others.

Stephanie is an amazing runner. Jenna is an amazing writer.  And they both have lessons to teach me.

They are strong, determined women at opposite ends of the physical abilities spectrum. And I find myself somewhere between the two of them–able to walk, most certainly, but not able to do any feats of physical strength and endurance beyond my non record-breaking 2-mile strolls.

But that’s okay. Whether our names are Stephanie, Jenna, or Becky, we really only need to do our best with the abilities we have. 

And as a perfectly timed illustration, I have just glanced out my window again to see a woman at least two decades older than I am. She is walking slowly, shoulders sloped, gait stiff and unsteady. But she is walking. Because she can.  She is doing her best with the abilities she has. 

I think the time has probably come to shed my bathrobe and my melancholia and step into this gift of another day–achy foot, and all. 

Even though I may sometimes get a little weary along the way, I am thankful for the abilities and the strength I have. I am thankful for inspiring road mates like Stephanie and Jenna and I am thankful for this difficult, inspiring, challenging, exhilarating journey I am gifted to walk on fragile feet.

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36 comments so far.

36 responses to “Fragile Feet”

  1. mary says:

    Consider watching a you-tube video of putting athletic tape on your foot for plantar fasciitis, My 16 year old, athletic niece did that for an ankle problem she developed while dancing for school end of year performances and a performances at her dance studio. After several days of wearing the tape (think the tape you see on Olympic athletes) she was pain free. Of course not being 16 it may take you longer than a few days for complete healing.

    • Becky says:

      Mary,

      I just watched the video; looks very interesting! I am assuming it’s a similar concept to the stretching “boots” you can find at places like CVS except it would be less expensive.

      Will definitely look into it. Glad your niece got such good help from it!

  2. Jenna Hoff says:

    Becky, I somehow missed this post when you first wrote it! (I think I read the beginning part about Meagan and the baby but that was as far as I made it as I had had a hard new treatment that very day). I was just reading the post through now and was I ever surprised to see a picture of me! You just made my day! Thank you so much for writing such beautiful, encouraging things.

    I’m so sorry to hear that your feet (and other body parts) are in so much pain. I hope the doctor is able to find a new treatment that really helps your feet feel better. I hope today’s day of rest really helps!

    You really have had many challenging health issues over the past decade and you have faced them with grace and poise, courage and strength. You have long inspired me with how you have faced the hardships and continued to bring joy and help to others.

    With love,

    Jenna Hoff

    • Becky says:

      Jenna,

      I am glad you read the Jenna Post! 🙂

      I meant every word I wrote. You have been so inspiring to me as I have dealt with my relatively small ailments. Thank for being the gentle, strong person you are in the face of great hardship.

  3. Angela STURGES says:

    Dear Becky, I hope your feet are not too painful. Several months ago I had pain in my right foot. When I rose in the mornings it was very difficult to put my foot down on the floor, I found it better to wear some good quality, rubber, flip flops and not to walk bare foot which was my life long habit! I self diagnosed it as Plantar Fasciitis and did a lot of stretching of my foot and took care to always wear the flip flops in the house. I had some clear (silicone?) things that I could put on my heels for inside my boots which also helped ease the pain. It was mornings that it was most painful, I don’t know if it is the same for you? I started to walk as often as possible, so most days do between 3 to 5 kilometers which is not much but have been pain free for a few months now, no more sign of fasciitis! I hope your pain is lessening, I do think it is possible to heal Fasciitis, you really need to stretch feet alot! Take care, all my best wishes are with you and your lovely family Luv Angela xxx

    • Becky says:

      Angela,

      I think you are exactly right about the stretching; I need to be more consistent in doing that. It’s encouraging to know that you made a good recovery from fasciitis and are feeling so much better.

      Hooray for you!

  4. Kari says:

    Becky, Steve is right about wearing the shoes in the house too. I notice a lessening of the pain if I keep my shoes on versus my usual favorite of being barefoot.

    Read Leanne’s comment and I remembered that my husband also did the frozen water bottle as recommended by his podiatrist. It did help him. Also, check with your doctor about the custom inserts versus using over the counter inserts.

    • Becky says:

      Kari

      Yeah, it’s quite a change for me to even REMEMBER to wear shoes in the house since I have never done it. But I will definitely do whatever it takes to get better since I am still really struggling.

      And yes, I think inserts would also be a definite help. We are out of town but when I get settled back in next week I will look into that.

  5. Kari says:

    Prayers for all to be well with Meagan!

    As for the joggers, I have read that jogging is one of the worst exercises to do as it is very hard on all the joints. Foot pain is not fun, for me it makes all the rest of me hurt. The only shoes I have been able to wear to get some relief are the oldest, nastiest looking pair of crocs I own and I use inserts in them too. My husband had planter fasciitis and it too was quite painful. What helped him was injections into his foot, having custom made orthotics and switching to New Balance shoes (had to be the most expensive ones, eg. number 927, 950 (a number in the 900’s). He continues to wear them years later and especially when his feet start bothering him. The New Balance shoes were recommended by the podiatrist also.

    My new bedtime routine is putting Aspercreme with Lidocaine on feet, knees, hands and wrists, elbows and neck. The good thing about the Aspercreme is that it doesn’t have that Ben-Gay smell but it still isn’t much of a beauty routine!

    • Becky says:

      Kari,

      I had actually thought of getting some sort of pain-killing cream to put on my foot; glad to know that it has been helpful for you. And a double thumbs up that it doesn’t smell too much like Ben-Gay! 🙂

      And let’s hear it for old and nasty Crocs. Whatever works, right?

  6. hi Becky i don’t know if this is the right place to ask this but i can find a email address for u. i am funding a go fund me page right now for my self. i have something call R.S.D/CRPS and i have been in a wheelchair for three and half yrs and i am in pt for gait training and re learning how to walk. and i am in need of come equipment to help me. and i am trying very hear to rise the money for it. here is my go fund me page. i was hoping you can post it in a few of you blogs. that be great, i don’t do good at rising money, and i really need this equipment. it is a kafo for my right leg and a gait trainer walker and some other thing that i not to sure what it called but i have the link to it on my go fund me page. here the link.

    https://www.gofundme.com/gaittrainingequipment

    thank you so must. also if u can pleases post this along within you church to thank you…

    Anna.

    p.s. i been reading u updated and blogs on Sara even before you had the caringbrige page from when u just where saying emails out. from the very first email i every miss a email or a post or a blog. i so happy Sara is doing soo good. and for that matter everyone eles. and i been praying for Meagan to.

    Reply

    • Becky says:

      Anna,

      So good to hear from you!

      I would be happy to put a link to your fundraiser at the end of my post on Monday. Blessings!

  7. Evensteven says:

    Well said.

  8. Phyllis says:

    Prayers for Meagan and Baby Smith. Also prayers for your foot and not so worrisome ankle. Foot pain is the worst. My motto is if you see me running, someone must be chasing me. I do hope to get back to walking regularly once I retire. I’ve been MIA on walking for some time.

    • Becky says:

      Phyllis,

      Yes, I would have to agree with you on the running thing! 🙂 You’ll have time to do lots of cool things after you retire.

  9. LeeAnne Lind says:

    Becky, I can SO relate to the foot pain. I, too, have plantar fasciitis and it is quite painful. I’ve been dealing with it for over 4 months now. Ugh. I have found that wearing shoes at all times (even in the house which I hate to do) really helps. I also reach down and pull all of my toes on that foot toward me for about 30 seconds in the morning before I get up. It stretches out the bottom of my foot. And then I have a frozen water bottle (1 at home and 1 at work) that I ice my foot with several times a day. Put it on the floor and roll your foot back and forth over it, gently, for about 10 minutes. It feels so good! I like to run and am signed up to run a little 5K with my daughter and daughter in law on June 23rd. I got new running shoes yesterday and am hoping they make running tolerable. Fingers crossed!

    I sure do hope that you get some relief from your foot pain soon. Also, prayers for Meagan and the baby!!

    • Becky says:

      LeeAnne,

      I am actually writing this reply with my foot rolling back and forth on an ice bottle covered in an athletic sock. I must say–it IS very soothing. I think it must numb the ligaments or some such thing and I’m sure it reduces inflammation. Great tip!

      The stretch is a great idea, too.

      Steve’s been telling me to wear shoes inside all the time which I HATE. I’ve always been one to put on my fuzzy socks the minute I walk in the door. But I’ll do it for awhile until I can get through this rough spot.

      Thanks for all the encouragement and good advice. Good luck on the 5k!

  10. Anne says:

    Great piece, Becky! Enjoyed reading it, but sorry to hear about the hobbling woes 🙁 My arthritis flares from time to time, but when it affects my feet and hinders my freedom to move, it is tough to bear. Superfeet insoles have really helped me.
    Prayers for your healing and for the safe delivery of that new precious Smith grandbaby (but hopefully not just yet! Hang in there, Meagan!). Will keep my eyes peeled for that update. Thanks SO much for the shout out to Stephanie. I have sent the link to her :).

    • Becky says:

      Anne,

      Yes, there is something about having painful feet that just affects every single thing you do. I think about all the times I took pain free moving for granted. No more!

      Was happy to be able to give a shout out to Stephanie; she is an incredible person.I watched her TEDx talk and enjoyed it hugely.

  11. Jodi says:

    Yikes! It’s Monday, now! How’s Megan? Didn’t this happen with Noah or Maddie too? Someone needs to slow down & rest! Thankfully, there’s so much that can be done to help if they can’t stop her labor (but, I sure hope they can). Take a look at Five Two Love on FB & You Tube. They delivered quints @ I believe 28 weeks (actual due date is 6/6)! As of today, Monday, three of the five have left the NICU. It won’t be long before the family of nine leave AZ & return home to St. George, Utah. I’m so impressed with them and their two older boys. The call themnthe Squints! The oldest is 12 & the other young man is 10 (or so) and so mature. You’ll love them. Prayers for MegaNate & the other Grands, aunt’s and uncles too!

    Much love!

    Jodi

    • Becky says:

      Jodi,

      I can NOT even imagine premature quints. I just watched a little bit of it on You Tube and am amazed at how calm the parents are like, no big deal! My hat is off to them and their wonderful family.

      Yes, Meagan did have some issues with Madi too; as it turns out, Meagan tried to come a couple months early when SHE was born. Meagan is doing better.

  12. Lesley says:

    Oh my goodness, I hope Meagan has been able to settle in back home. A 30 weeker would probably do pretty well out in the world, but 32 or 34 would be better. I imagine it would be hard to be on bedrest with the 2 little ones running around. Motherhood is certainly challenging.
    I hear ya on the physical weariness. I also have the arthritic knees, a wonky hip at times and a few extra pounds. It’s amazing how much I took for granted back in the day. We can only do what we can do one day at a time. I asked my father last week how he made it to 94 because I can’t imagine holding up for another 30+ years!

    • Becky says:

      Lesley,

      Yes, that is definitely the goal to hold the little guy for another week . . . or four. You’re right about the challenges of being pregnant with two little ones at home. Not an easy task but they are up for it!

      I sometimes also look at older people and wonder how they made it this far. I think every single person over 80 deserves a special kind of achievement award. They are heroes!

      Here’s hoping your knees and hip behave for you today. 🙂

  13. Guerrina says:

    Will keep you and Meagan in prayer, Becky. Peaks, valleys, and crazy twisting roads (I don’t think I have straight roads in my life) … God has you both covered.

    About the bone spur in your heel … I had one act up and what put the inflamed tissue back to normal was an ultrasound treatment by my chiropractor. I know, I know. Trust me I was skeptical. It worked for me and haven’t had a flare up in years. I’ve also found that if I use Spenco hard arch supports, they prevent my feet (particularly my left one) from over-pronating. When I transition into flip-flops or sandles/shoes with little to no cushion, the ball of my big toe gets really tender and makes walking very difficult/painful. Using the Spenco hard arch supports resolves the issue in hours to a day. Maybe one or both of these things will help you!

    • Becky says:

      Guerrina,

      Thanks so much for the tips; I was hoping there would be a reader out there with similar problems who might be able to offer some good advice and you didn’t let me down!
      I will look into those things, starting with the arch support. I read some reviews on Amazon and they seem to be very helpful. I’m slightly better but still a long way from being back to normal.

      And yes, there are no straight roads in life. But the curves and the valley at least remind us we are alive and still kicking! 🙂

  14. Jo Ann Campbell says:

    Becky dear,

    Much love and many prayers for you and Meagan. I’m so glad Sarah was there to help you.

    Love, Mom

    • Becky says:

      Mom,

      Always so wonderful to see your name pop up in the comments. I’m like, “Hey, I KNOW that lady!” 🙂

      Love you back.

  15. SueEllen Williams says:

    Prayers for Meagan and Baby Smith as well as the rest of their family. And prayers for you for healing of your foot ailments. Please keep us posted on Meagan.

  16. Dale Tousley says:

    Prayers for Meagan and Nathan and their precious baby. Please, please keep us updated. I, too, have had many health issues in the last few years….knee surgery, hip replacement, arthritis….and one of the positive things about all of it, like Sarah and you, is how my kids are taking care of me…..walking on the Jersey beach last week, my daughter took my arm to help me over a sand dune, going up and down stairs, my son now also takes my arm…the roles are reversing and they are stepping up to it!!

    • Becky says:

      Dale,

      Isn’t it such a great feeling to have our kids return the love and care we gave them over the years, whether on stairs, sand dunes or at the doctor? Sarah made me feel special and cared for going into the doctor and Nathan does the same thing when I am with him.

      We are both blessed!

  17. Dmantik says:

    One of your best writings ever, and that’s saying something because you have many other best writings! 🙂

    I’m so sad you have to deal with yet another uncomfortable–but not worriesome!–physical challenge. Sometimes you just gotta say, “Really, God? What is the big stinking deal?” (Which you said so eloquently in this post.). You and Stephanie and Jenna teach me many important life lessons of which I will strive to be an astute student.

    Thank you.

    Love, Deb

    • Becky says:

      Deb,

      Well, that means a lot coming from YOU. Thank you!

      Life is all about lessons, isn’t it? I’m grateful that some of our lessons can be learned from other people so that we don’t have to do ALL the living and all the learning on our own!

  18. Ann Martin says:

    Prayers for Meagan and baby as well as Nathan as he cares for the other two, Noah and Madi. May things go well for them. Prayers for you, my dear friend, Becky, as you face this another challenge. May God lift you up and heal that foot and ankle. Jim is having trouble with his hip and difficult to get up and down. He is walking slowly. Tomorrow he has a CT of the kidneys and now added an x-ray of the hip. God knows best and I am praying for nothing serious as we plan to go to Atlantic Beach soon and Nashville, TN. Been looking forward to those trips and prayers that we can go. I do not jog but do walk my treadmill 30 minutes usually 6 days per week. I hope that is making me healthier (?). Take care and know we love you.

    • Becky says:

      Ann,

      Walking 6 times a week is fabulous. Good for you!! And the best thing about a treadmill is that your exercise schedule isn’t dependent on the weather. You are an inspiration.

      I am so sorry that Jim is having hip trouble; I know you are doubtless ready to back off of doctor visits a little bit. Will be interested to know what the tests show. I know you are excited about your out of town trips.

      Love you guys!

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