On March 8, I will add another year to my crazy, beautiful stay on earth. How do I feel about turning sixty-four?
Well, at the moment, I am thinking of something I read this morning that said, “If you’re lucky, you get to grow old.”
So much truth there. I am so grateful to be in my sixties, and I try my best to thread my days together with thanksgiving.
But I’m like you. Sometimes my concerted attempts at thanksgiving get waylaid by things I least expect.
For example, there are a lot of younger women at work, and I often envy (and admire) their energy and vivaciousness, their smooth skin, and their slender figures.
Yes, I know that I was once their age, that I once had my chance to glow with youthful vitality.
However, I never felt stylish or pretty in those early decades of life. My mom was conservative with her hair and clothes (and she didn’t wear makeup), so she never taught me the beauty secrets that so many girls grow up knowing almost automatically. I realize that’s a very small thing in comparison to the fact that she loved me well, guided me through life, prayed for me, and listened to me–always, always there for me. I would much rather have these qualities than any other.
But still, it left me with deep feelings of insecurity as a young woman because I had no clue what I was doing. And when I see young women in the workplace who seem to naturally know the right thing to do, I’m a little sad that I was never young and stylish. I was just young and clueless.
Steve and I did not have much money, nor did my parents. So walking into a fancy bridal store to find a beautiful gown was out of the question.
I can’t exactly remember how I got the dress I wore; I think I borrowed it from someone I knew and paid them a few dollars. And then there were the shoes. No bejeweled, satin white heels for me. No sirree. I had a pair of almost flat, casual white sandals. I thought, “The dress is white. The sandals are white. They’ll be fine.” The bridesmaid dresses were handmade, courtesty of my talented sister, Ruth.
Of course, I did my own hair and makeup, which was a bridal disaster unto itself since I was only nineteen and did not even know one hair or makeup trick. Pretty much my everyday hair and my everyday makeup, which would have consisted of a non-inspiring application of mascara, blush, and lipstick. And a manicure? Never even crossed my mind.
To be honest, in the intervening years, I can rarely look at a magnificent bride and not feel a bit of grief. I’m sad that I didn’t get to be a resplendent bride to take my groom’s breath away as I came down the aisle. I didn’t have the knowledge or the tools or the money at the stage of my life to know how to pull that off. I was young, unstylish, and oh so naive.
When I entered the back of the sanctuary on January 2, 1982, I was grateful that Steve saw me through the eyes of love, which hopefully helped to add a little glow to his unadorned bride.
I’ve tried to teach myself a little about clothes and appearance, but I still look in my closet and think, “I hate everything.” I get ready for the day and think, “Just who is that elderly woman and what is she doing in my mirror?”
Well, I don’t look exactly like the photo but I’m well on my way!
it feels like every month or two, some new part of my body decides to throw a hissy fit. For the last few weeks, I was experiencing pain in my right foot, not to be confused with the unexplained weakness in my left foot, which I will be seeing a neurologist for soon.
No, this was a new pain that almost made me stumble and lose balance because it was so bad.
I went to the doctor and she sent for an X-ray. Found out it is just arthritic changes and a bone spur. No cure available there. Fortunately, it is helped with Ibuprofen and comes and goes, so I don’t have to deal with it all the time.
When I get up in the morning, my arthritic back hurts so badly; the only thing that helps it is when I sit in the recliner. I make my tea as quickly as I can and then grab my mug and do a comedic shuffle/run through the living room so I can make it to the recliner as quickly as possible.
My relieved, “Ahhhh” when I sit down can be heard across five neighboring states.
I’ve also recently developed pain that radiates from my shoulder, through my neck, and up to the right side of my face. My physical therapist called it “referred pain.” I don’t know who has been referring it, but I wish they’d stop.
And of course, there’s the lung disease, the arthritic fingers and spine, and the breast cancer that have been a part of the passing of my years.
Last week, I was getting my hair cut and requested a bottle of water. I immediately had to hand it back to the stylist and ask her to open it because my hands just don’t do tiny bottle caps well. I wasn’t really embarrassed to do that, but it did mark a moment of another small grief of not being able to do something I was able to before.
there are so many things I am not doing now that I was doing three years ago–mainly music, which has been an enormous part of my life since I was a small child. Singing, playing piano, writing songs–all gone, for the moment. Maybe forever. Thankfully, Steve is still enjoying bass guitar in two church bands and loving it.
I’m no longer a minister’s daughter or a pastor’s wife since my dad has passed away and Steve has retired. Those were identities that shaped me from my first breath. Instead, I find myself working in, of all places, a corporate headquarters in a big city. (After stating emphatically a million times that I would never live in a big city.)
We never know where our lives will take us, do we? I’ll bet there’s not one person reading this who can say at whatever age you currently are, “Yep. This is the exact place I knew I would be right this very minute.
The journey between birthdays is a winding one, and we can’t stand on the cusp of one birthday and have any clue where we will be for the next one. We just trust the process, trust our choices, and trust the One who has brought us safe thus far.
What about you?
This was a very rambly post. If there was any particular part of it that resonated with you, please share!
Happy birthday! Probably belated by this time.
I’m right there with you on the envious feelings of all the pretty women who know what they’re doing with makeup, hair & clothes. I didn’t have a mom to teach me anything girly. I grew up with just my dad & 2 older brothers since my mom died when I was 7. I very very rarely even wear makeup because 1. it feels weird on my skin or irritates my eyes, 2. I have no idea what to do, and 3. My husband just doesn’t like it at all. 🤷🏼♀️
I also understand the slight jealousy to see weddings with gorgeous princess brides and their photos. I was barely 18 when I got married. My dress was $10 and basically just a summer dress. My shoes were $8 I think at PayLess! We didn’t even have a wedding, just got married at the justice of the peace. But, we’ve been married for 27 years and we’re very happy and in love so I take it as a huge win!!!
Lizz,
A huge win is right; happy 27 years of marriage to you and your hubby.
Your life is certainly a lot simpler without makeup!
What a huge loss to have lost your mom when you were seven; my heart can’t even grasp it. So thankful that you have been able to take that loss and weave it into a beautiful life of your own, knowing your mom’s love is a big part of what you have created as an adult. Hugs.
You know how all the young woman looks so put together and nice these days? YouTube and Instagram are teaching them! My mom didn’t wear a lick of makeup in all her days so I didn’t have those lessons from her either. I learned them later on through YouTube tutorials!
Ellen,
I do watch some YouTube tutorials, and they make it look simple. However, I feel like I can never quite get the knack of it. I’ll keep trying!
Happy Birthday weekend to you, Becky! I’ve been pondering this post this week. When I think of typing up a comment, I get lost in everyone else’s comments, and your responses!
I’ve been to several weddings recently that had all the fancy glam that my event lacked. Dresses, makeup, food, music,…. Almost 40 years ago, I got my dress off of a sale rack. It was white, simple, although I did love it. Make up and stylish clothing was never a thing for me. Both of my sisters, yes. It seems to be such a personal choice, although sometimes not a choice, based on financial circumstances. There was much love and support in our little church. I do remember that. We had a small cake, and pies made from berries from our woods. (I was not a fan of wedding cake!)
You and Steve have built on those simple beginnings as my husband and I have. I’ve always been one to look forward, likely trying to avoid feelings of regret. All of that gets interesting as we get older, and have less years in front of us.
Thank you for your honest, heartfelt posts. If you struggle with finding that beauty and glam as you look in the mirror, I want you to know that I appreciate the beauty, joy, struggles, and gratitude you so honestly share in your writings and photos. I pray you have a good, healthy year ahead, filled with much joy.
Ann,
I’m so glad to know you’ve found the comment section to be an enriching place to hang out. I love reading each comment and getting to know my reader’s thought and their stories.
I love that at your wedding, you had pies made from berries in your woods. What a sweet and homey touch. And to have the day blessed by your small church’s love and support was worth more than any fancy gala.
You’re right that getting older and having less years ahead than behind can make it more challenging to not ruminate on what has already passed. Looking forward is definitely the way to go; the simple beginnings and rich lives we’ve both been blessed with bode well for the years go come.
Thanks so much for your encouraging words about my writings and photos. I’ve been blogging for a very long time and each time I wonder if it’s been long enough, comments like yours keep me writing and sharing.
Early Happy Birthday. You are looking great. Yes, I came from a very conversative family too. Dad was a pastor and for his daughters – no makeup. When I graduated from high school and was going to stay with my aunt and uncle for however long, I went and got myself some makeup. And have used it ever since, hopefully a little better than at first. Our wedding was small, maybe about 50 people and our cake – think we spent $19.00 on it. We got ice cream bars that looked like bells and some mint candy. We paid for everything. That will be 60 years ago come this December. We are very blessed and thankful for each year he has given us. We are both turning 83 – Stan in June, me in August. Ah, yes, the pain. Getting out of bed in the a.m. is sometimes harder than other times and getting out of a chair might take a couple starts. I have osteoarthritis and yes, the feet, wrists, hands, let me know how old I am. You are a blessing and so enjoy each of your posts. We continue to pray for you, Steve, Sarah and Gage and many times the rest of the family!
Sharyn,
First attempts at makeup are never very inspiring, are they? 🙂 Been there, done that–I’m know we have both improved a lot in intervening years.
I love your sweet and simple menu at your reception and I love that your small, inexpensive wedding has given you and Stan almost 60 years together. So great to hear inspiring stories like yours.
Yes, osteoarthritis definitely makes itself known as the years go by. As long as I start each morning a little slowly, everything eventually starts coooperating.
Thanks so much for your prayers over the years; we appreciate you guys!
Happy birthday Becky!! I, too, just celebrated a birthday this week! I completely understand where you’re coming from on the activity department. I also struggle with some things due to arthritis in my hands and shoulders and am still trying to recover from shoulder surgery which has been a tough road and makes it even harder. However, I am determined to come out on top and be the winner. I so desperately want to golf this Spring! And I will!!🙂
LeeAnne,
What a great ending to your comment. “Determined. Come out on top. Be a winner. I will!”
Let us know when you take your first golf swing this spring. You’ve got this!
I’ve never been married. I wanted to have a big bash for my 60th birthday but two months before the big day Covid hit. My youngest brother then died very unexpectedly 2 days after my 66th birthday and I thought I would never celebrate my birthday again. Then I got cancer. I was fortunate to get to remission and celebrated ringing the bell. Cancer has a way of making you take the little things in life a little less for granted. I decided that I deserved to celebrate all the things that have made me ME so I threw myself a party and invited about 100 people (like a wedding). I also never really learned how to use makeup or style my hair so I treated myself to a morning at the salon to get my hair done and my makeup professionally done. I felt beautiful and had a fabulous time at the party. I think maybe you should have a celebration of your 45th anniversary and treat yourself to a beautiful dress, get your hair and makeup done, and renew your wedding vows with your handsome husband! You have overcome a lot over the years and deserve to celebrate the beautiful life have built and feel beautiful doing it. ❤️
Mary,
What an amazing story of overcoming so much and then celebrating so much.
I absolutely loved the thought of you throwing a party for yourself; I was sitting here cheering for you when I read that! 🙂
And then to have your makeup and hair professionally done was the perfect frosting on the cake for a grand celebration of YOU. I love that as a single woman, you threw a party “like a wedding.” Why shouldn’t single people have wedding-type hooplas? You have much to celebrate, and I know your friends and family loved being a part of an event to honor you.
So thankful you made it through cancer and are busy living life large!
Becky – I read most of your posts but this one got me for some reason. I think when we hit our 60’s, something strange happens. It’s a cross between thankfulness that we have been able to live this long, and a rather lost feeling – and not even sure what the loss is. Maybe it’s the way our bodies used to feel less pain, maybe hold less wrinkles – we simply feel out of touch with something. It’s hard to explain. Yet, there is beauty in aging – even if it means looking in the mirror and wonder how my mom is now looking back at me. Where did that new wrinkle come from?! No doubt in age our beauty fades insofar as the world defines beauty – but we are so much more beautiful in many ways. One of my yoga teachers started class last week with how we see ourselves in the mirror in a non-flattering fashion, and it is only our exterior — the true beauty is all beneath what we see in the mirror — what is within our soul. She is young and beautiful and has actually removed every mirror in her home but one to remind herself that beauty is beneath what is seen in a mirror. I’m trying to learn that, but it’s hard at 63.
Karen,
How interesting that your (young and beautiful) yoga teacher removed almost every mirror in her home. I love that she doesn’t just talk the talk but also walks the walk in emphasizing that beauty is not only seen in a mirror–it takes on so many other forms.
Feeling a mixture of thankfulness and loss is a great way to describe getting older. We are faced with the complexities of changes in health, changes in appearance, changes in the world, and changes in family. Some of the changes we’d rather not see, but grieving the change and the loss is important. I love a particular quote that says, “In acceptance, there is peace.”
Of course, it’s not all loss. We also have more achiness and more wrinkles. 🙂 (As you well said.)
Thanks for your heartfelt comment; always good to hear from you!
I feel your pain. I will be 71 this year and every morning I look in the mirror and see new wrinkles and sagging skin. I am getting the “old age spots” that my mom had. My mom passed at 88 and several people said that she sure didn’t look her age. She didn’t and I hope and pray she passed those genes down to me.
I have Neuropathy in my feet and hands and Osteo-Everything. It has been 14 years since I had breast cancer and every day I wonder if it has come back. Not fun.
I pray they can find out what is going on with you and your health issues. I get so tired of going to doctors. We do it right smart with my hubby with his PSP disease. I am thankful I can take care of him.
Happy Birthday early!!! Celebrate life!! We are lucky to be our ages because so many didn’t get to the part where they saw their age taking a hold on them. But God is good and He has blessed us. Every day.
Kaye,
“Celebrate life!”
I love your line and love that thought. Regardless of the wrinkles and mysterious pains, we have been blessed to make it this far in our lives.
May God continue to strengthen and encourage you as you care for your husband.
I so relate to your post today. Several teachers at the school I work at are not only younger, some went to school with my children.
And I’m a full believer that getting older isn’t for sissies. A couple of months ago my husband, brother-in-law and I went to Arkansas to visit family. We took my brother-in-law’s full size extended cab Ford F-150 and I rode in the back seat. While I couldn’t fully stretch out my legs, I wasn’t really uncomfortable. Later that evening we, along with his sisters, went out and multiple times my knee would kinda buckle and I would have to stop a few seconds before I could continue on. This occurred multiple times over the long weekend, but has happened only once or twice since returning home.
And I still don’t feel confident applying makeup. My youngest learned by watching videos and she can do her makeup like a professional.
Have a wonderful week!!
SueEllen,
Isn’t that crazy how the oddest things can make a new pain pop up? Like riding in a pick up–who knew it would cause your knees to be so unhappy? I’m glad the problem doesn’t seem to be continuing.
Your daughter has done well to learn to do makeup by watchng videos. I’ve tried that and just get more and more confused.
How cool that you work at a school where some of your co-workers attended school with your children. Love that kind of long-term community.
Happy early Birthday Becky! I identify with all you wrote. I have to say, I very much admire the way you have taken on this new job, the commute alone is a LOT. They are very lucky to have you. As for all the physical ails, they are relentless, aren’t they? Every day I wake up and think “What will hurt today?” It’s always something.
In the glam realm, I never had any. My mother was fashionable, tall, dark and beautiful. I was not any of those things and in fact I preferred the plain, no makeup, no nail polish thing. My mother tried but I rebuffed. It wasn’t me. In fact, there was a whole year in high school where I trooped around happily in heavy awkward snow mobile boots! Haha. I remember my boyfriend saying he wished I wore a little make up, I was surprised but did not even consider trying any. I look back and wonder why?
I think your wedding gown was pretty, the long veil was lovely, but I understand your wishing some things had been different. Mine was plain, second one I tried on. I wore pink ballet slippers and light blue tights. LOLOL. I have never worn a pair of high heels to this day(or makeup). As they say-Youth is wasted on the young!
At least we are still here, aches and pains and all.
Lesley,
I love the mental picture of you tromping around in high school wearing snowmobile boots. 🙂 I’ve always admired people who can wear what they please and not be self-concious about it, even if doesn’t fit in with the norm. I’m sure your mom was less than thrilled with the Snowmobile Boots Year.
And pink ballet slippers and light blue tights. Doing your own thing again!
I, for one, love high heels but they have gotten a little lower as the years have passed. Kitten heels and block heels are my friend.
And yes, we are still here, aches and all. Hugs to you and Sarah!
It all resonated with me! Thank you for sharing so transparently and forthrightly. I think so many of us women can relate.
You have faced so many hard things and continue to do so. But the suffering you have experienced has created such beauty in you. The beauty of your soul and hard won character have crafted a beautiful outward person as well. There are many layers to beauty and various intangibles that create it. It’s not just how you look but it’s who you are. And you’ve got it all, girl! Steve said it well in his comment.
Love, Deb
Deb,
So true that “there are many layers to beauty and various intangibles that create it.” Love that thought. Some people are not traditionally beautiful but they light up every room they enter.
And people like you are beautiful for the way you always share such beautifully worded encouragement. Thanks, Deb.
The cost of the wedding does not guarantee a long and happy marriage. You have 44 wonderful years together, many weddings that cost tens and even hundreds of thousands of dollars don’t last as long as yours has. My mom and dad went to the pastor’s house with his brother and soon to be sister-in-law. They lacked just over 100 days being married 75 years.
My mom also didn’t wear a lot of makeup – like practically none. When she passed, my brother and I told the funeral home that so they didn’t put a lot on her. Since I’ve retired, about the only place I wear makeup is church and the occasional wedding or funeral.
One bit of good news for you – just 12 months until you’re Medicare eligible. 🙂
Phyllis,
Medicare elibible. Can’t wait!
Definitely true that expensive weddings don’t guarantee long marriages. Whatever is in the heart is more important than what’s in the wallet. How amazing that your parents made it to almost 75 years. An incredible inspiration!
I identify with so much of what you so eloquently wrote. Thanks for putting into words what I have in my heart.
Diane,
It’s so encouraging to me to know that I was able to verbalize some of your heart. The whole time I was writing I was second guessing about even posting it so I’m glad it made a difference for you.
Hugs to you and hellos to Bob!
You, my dear, are a work of art which grows more beautiful with age!
Steve–thank you for marrying a definite work in progress. We’ve had a good 44 years–so far. Love you.
Hi Becky. I just find that your post sometimes match how I am feeling and what I am dealing with. I just turned 60 last month. In 2025 the company I worked for 39+ years was bought out and my job was eliminated. I have degenerative disc disease in my spine. I tried looking for a job for 6 months unsuccessfully, thinking age related, so decided I would get spine surgery to widen my chances of getting any job. That was in August. I had no cushioning in between L3-L5 so they put in titanium. I was getting pt and feeling better and hoping I could get a job early in this new year. Come end of November, I fell out of bed reaching for the remote that fell on the floor. Not a good idea. I fractured my arm at the shoulder and had to have a reverse shoulder replacement in December, more titanium. Now I am doing pt for that as well. Talk about the aches and pains! I just started being able to drive a little this past week. I know it will take awhile to get where I want and need to be but I forge forward. I have faith! Thank you for this space and letting me ramble! I do appreciate your post and smile when I read them.
Karen,
How disappointing to be with a company for 39 years and then have your job unexpectedly eliminated. I am so sorry you had to go through that, in addition to your physical challenges.
I can only imagine your immense frustration when you fractured your arm after all the progress you made after your back surgery. You have been through so much you still “forge forward, having faith.” So inspiring.
I’m so glad to be able to provide a space for people to share their own stories; thank you for doing that.
Becky, when I look at your wedding photos, they remind me of my parents’ wedding photos from the same year. They were slightly older than you (mid-20s), but similar in the more limited funds and not a ton of adornments. Also, the style is just so very late 70’s/early 80’s! When my parents got married, my grandma found my mom’s dress for sale in the newspaper, the bridesmaids dresses were rented, and the reception was in the church basement. They were early in their careers, and neither sets of my grandparents had a lot of money to contribute. Like you, my mom has also spoken with a bit of wistfulness about the dress she wore and how it wasn’t really a question when grandma saw it for sale in the newspaper (she loved herself a good deal!). It’s so different now with the “glam” looks and desire to be model-ready for social media feeds. I can think of so many wedding photos from others in my family as well throughout the 1980s that look very similar, so I always think of it as more the era than anyone looking unadorned or unattractive! Steve has a grin on his face in both those pictures showing how joyous/giddy he is (you’re obviously happy as well, but it just comes across as perhaps a bit more muted).
Linnae,
That is a good observation. The weddings of the 70s and 80s were (overall) much more laid back than they are now. As a rule, less fancy and that’s okay. Steve and I had our reception in the Boy Scout hut next to the church and served Cheez Whiz on Ritz crackers so we definitely fit into that non-fancy era! 🙂
And yet the simplicity of all those weddings is kind of a cool thing. Even though your mom and I (and many other brides) may not have gotten the dress of our dreams, we wore what we had and we rejoiced in marrying the wonderful husbands we had found.
I also love the grin on Steve’s face in the photos. The second-hand dress didn’t seem to be bothering him too much!
Happy early Birthday. I am soon to be 70 and can relate to all you wrote. I also had a mom who didn’t teach me makeup tips. I tried some in junior high, but quickly gave up. I was told by my wedding photographer to wear makeup. My sister in law helped me, but I look at some of the photos and just see a smear of red cheeks. I never thought clothes looked good on me, but I try to coordinate and look put together. At this stage of life, I guess I am not bothered much anymore about what others will think about how I look. As a friend said, “I have reached the age that I have earned the right to look however I look”
Patti,
We have definitely reached the age to have earned the right to look however we look!
I remember going to Disney World many years ago and seeing young women walking around in very tall heels. I just shuddered. Even at that age, I had definitely earned the right to walk around in comfy shoes!
It’s good to read that you still focus on coordinating your clothes and looking put together. I think it’s an easy temptation to reach our older years and just sort of give up. My plan is when I reach my last hours of life, I’ll ask someone to be sure I have lipstick on. 🙂
Oh, I so understand all you have stated too well at 71! Blessed beyond measure to live each day, to have witnessed so much history! Still don’t know how to apply makeup and meno belly creates stress every time I want to look nice! As for your bone spur, please ask your chiro to do ultrasound treatment on it. I had that done with a heel spur years ago and wonderful relief to this day.
Guerrina,
Interesting to hear about ultrasound treatment on a bone spur. I’ll have to look into that if this foot keeps on giving me trouble. I’m glad to hear it worked so well for you!
I can relate about the meno belly. It’s nice to know we’re not the only ones facing all this middle-aged fun. 🙂
I just turned 65 in February and I hear you! No makeup and I decided to get a very unflattering haircut the week I was to be married. My mom was like yours 🙂
Happy Birthday!
Lynne,
Yikes. A bad haircut on a marriage week is not a happy thing.
I got an awful haircut the week before Nathan’s wedding but having a haircut you don’t love for your own wedding is a little disconcerting.
But we survived! 🙂
Hi Becky..I’m not an alarmist, but maybe check with your doctor that your radiating left sided pain is not heart related. Angina can present that way. Lisa L
Lisa,
I thought for sure I had written the pain was happening on my right side but I went back and looked and sure enough–I had written left side. I just went in and changed it.
I can definitely see how it could be more concerning had it been on the left side. I am fortunate to have my readers watching out for me; thank you!