We had such a merry Christmas with the family; I have plenty of photos to share in the days to come. However, there were a couple of parts of our Christmas holiday that were not so merry at all.
Sarah woke up vomiting on Christmas morning and stayed that way the whole day. She spent most of the day up in her room but occasionally ventured downstairs (with her basin nearby) so that she could spend some time with the family.
On Christmas evening, we all feasted on a delectable Christmas dinner, although between bites I was running back and forth from the table and the bathroom where Sarah was throwing up yet again. We all felt so bad for her—not just that she felt so awful but that she felt that awful on Christmas Day!
But that wasn’t the worst thing that happened during our Christmas season. The other thing got its start a couple of months ago when Sarah found lumps in both breasts. She was obviously very concerned about them and asked me to look at them as well. She and I both agreed that she needed to see our primary doctor and have the lumps checked out; a week before Christmas, that’s what we did.
Our doctor is fully aware of Sarah’s cancer history. She also knows that Sarah had colon polyps removed last year (eighteen is VERY young to have polyps); she knows that Sarah’s oncologist had said that Sarah is much more susceptible to secondary cancers due to her extensive cancer treatment; and she is, of course, aware of my breast cancer history.
That all added up to her telling us that we needed to act aggressively in getting the lumps checked out as quickly as possible. And so two days before Christmas, Sarah had an appointment at our local hospital for an ultra sound to be followed by a possible mammogram if further views were needed.
Before she and I left for the hospital that morning, Steve gathered all of us together in the living room to pray. It was especially meaningful to have Nathan and Meagan in town because usually when we face health challenges, we are hundreds of miles from any family. After the prayer, Sarah started to cry and all of us encircled her with our arms and with our love . . . such comfort in the prayers and concern of family.
Once we got to the hospital, I waited for Sarah to put on her gown as I sat and remembered all my hopes that our days of ultra sounds and scans and tests were behind us.
It was sobering to sit in the scan room with Sarah and hear her reply, “My mom,” when the sonographer asked if there was anyone in her family with a history of breast cancer.
I so wish that was one part of my heritage I wasn’t passing on to her.
Sarah and I were both under the impression that if we got through the ultra sound and they didn’t send us on for the mammogram, that everything was fine. And so we were both relieved when after a lengthy wait for the radiologist to study the pictures, the sonographer finally told us that we were free to go.
Sarah was clear. No big deal. Merry Christmas to us and joy to the world!
As it turned out, our celebration was short-lived.
Later that day, our primary doctor called Sarah and asked if she could come in for about twenty minutes the day after Christmas to discuss the results of the ultra sound.
Now if you’ve ever been through a scan or test of any sort, you know that doctors give good news over the phone and bad news in person. And I knew that it did NOT take twenty minutes for someone to say, “Your ultra sound was clear.”
I tried my best not to freak out completely during the intervening two days but I ended up going through a long, horrible litany of all the things that could be wrong. Although I did my best to concentrate on opening gifts, playing with Noah, and eating our Christmas dinner (albeit punctuated by runs to the bathroom with Sarah) my heart was never far away from that Friday morning appointment. What news were we going to hear?
After what seemed like at least a decade, the time finally arrived when Sarah and I sat together in the doctor’s office. Dr. Sumners came in, asked how our Christmas was, and then opened her computer to Sarah’s report.
In a gentle, compassionate voice, she told us that the lumps in the right breast were definitely benign and would most likely go away on their own. However, the lump in the left breast had some terminology attached to it that was raising red flags all over the place. The bottom line was that Sarah will need to have a biopsy.
I felt bad for Sarah. She sat there so bravely in that office after having been through many hours of vomiting and diarrhea. She hadn’t kept anything down for 36 hours, she hadn’t had any breakfast, and she was pale and shivery and a wee bit wobbly. And to top it all off, a doctor was telling her 19-year old self that she needed a biopsy.
I was so proud of my girl. She kept her composure, she asked intelligent questions, and she took the bad news with the sort of equanimity that one develops only after having faced down a whole truck load of health challenges in the past.
Shortly after our appointment was over, the nurse called to let her know she was scheduled for a core needle biopsy on January 7 in Greenville. Our doctor is sending her to my breast surgeon/oncologist’s office since he is known to be one of the best in the area.
So once again I will make a trip to Greenville for a medical appointment, a trip I have made many dozens of times over the past four years. This time, however, I will be going with my precious daughter who at such a young age has to face being tested for yet another kind of cancer. Not an easy thing.
When I asked her what she wanted to do about mentioning her situation on the blog, she didn’t even hesitate. She said, “Our blog readers need to know this, too since they’ve been with me through all my other health battles.”
And so we choose to share this with you, our Smithellaneous family, knowing that you will once again faithfully walk this journey with us.
I’ll be back again soon with cheerier stories but for now, I just wanted to share with you the non-merry part of our Christmas. We feel incredibly honored to know that there are so many of you who care, so many of you who will pray for us and hold us in your hearts.
Many, many blessings to you today, and brightest wishes for the new year to come..
Becky and Sarah I haven’t kept up with your blog like I used to (family health problems) but I wanted to tell you to be brave tomorrow. I also at 19 found lumps, had the sonogram and was told I needed a biopsy. Even after the biopsy I was told there were red flags so actually had surgery to remove the lump and it was benign. So you hang in there little girl. Even though there are red flags it doesn’t mean it won’t all turn out okay. Praying for you.
Jodie,
I know that was a very scary time for you when you were 19 and dealt with the lumps and biopsies. So glad to know that it all came out well for you; thanks for letting us know!
Just read your blog. Praying for God’s presence & peace to surround all of you & believing for divine strength. Love & hugs… Kay
Thank you everyone for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers. Mom and I will venture to Greenville tomorrow and will keep you in touch!
Love, Sarah
Sarah and Becky, just catching up and now wiping tears. Praying.
:'( When I dropped by your page on Dec 10, God had put you on my heart. Now I know why, and I can see that HE was urging me to stay in closer touch. I never read blogs any more, and I really think He was trying to prompt me to come back over here. I am wrapping you all in prayer, trusting that the God who lovingly knit Sarah in your womb will make a way for this to all work out for His glory. I love you, Sarah, and Steve.
Have all of you in my prayers. So sorry you guys are having to go through this, again.
Praying for Sarah and you & your family!!!!
Praying for Sarah and your family. You all are so brave. I hope to hear some good news in a few days!!
I will be praying for Sarah and your family.
Thinking and praying for your family.
prayers and hugs
I’ve been reading the blog since it was Sarah’s Spot, and I will send all prayers and good thoughts possible. Dealing with scans and being worried about the C word again must be like revisiting an old nightmare, and I’m sorry that Sarah is contending with that right now. Best wishes that the biopsy will be simple, as painless as possible, and come back with that most wonderful word – BENIGN!
Denise,
A wonderful word, indeed!
I will think positive thoughts for you and your family!!!!!
Praying for Sarah. I don’t normally comment either but have been reading for years. Praying for you all.
Becky,
Thanks so much for taking the time to leave a comment!
I’m not a prayers person, but I’ll think of you and Sarah every day. 🙂
Thank you, Olivia!
I will be praying for Sarah and your family Becky. So scary. Sarah is lucky to have such a wonderful, praying family to back her up. I pray for good results from her biopsy.
Oh my goodness! I have been so busy lately I haven’t been able to read your blog very much at all. And now I come here and see this. I’m so sorry about this. I can’t imagine what Sarah is going through and I can’t imagine what you and Steve are going through since she is your baby. I’ll definitely continue to keep all of you in my prayers! January 7 can’t come quick enough!! I truly hope the biopsy comes back as benign. Keep on swimming Sarah & family. You are so loved and so admired and you have so many people holding you up in prayer. Much love to y’all!! Hugs!!!!
Dear Sarah and Smith Family, You have been in my prayers since I read this post. May this scary health issue be behind you soon and you can look forward to a very healthy, happy and blessed 2015.
Oh, Becky and Sarah! What a burden! I know the family history thing is a fright – I’ve walked in Sarah’s shoes with regard to biopsy at a very young age (although, at that time, without a personal history of cancer)…
When I was 20, I had two lumps removed – one from each breast. Both were benign, but the wait was almost unbearable. I truly wish doctors wouldn’t make patients “wait” for days/weeks for tests and/or results! And that whole “Please come in to discuss results” thing is utter baloney! (I’m censoring myself – normally I’d say bovine-poop-ish words).
Sending good thoughts for benign results! Please keep us posted!
Stefanie,
It’s interesting that I’ve had several readers who had lumps at a (relatively) early age. And you’re so right, the wait for results is definitely is a difficult thing to get through. Shouldn’t be too much longer . . . .
Praying, praying, praying! As a fellow survivor, the waiting just never gets any easier. Just know that all of your prayer warriors are storming the gates of heaven on your behalf!
Much love,
Holly Hart
I am so sorry to hear that Sarah has to have a biopsy. You are all in my heart & prayers.
I feel so bad for Sarah having to go thru this at such an early age… OR EVER! I, having been in her situation, know the thoughts that race thru your head, the prayers, the panic, the hating to wait game.. that one is the worst one. Tell her the biopsy itself is not to bad.. just uncomfortable. I will be praying for NO SIGN OF CANCER!! I love those words and God has blessed me with three years of hearing them now. I just feel like it will all be ok with Sarah. Praying continually!!
I will be praying for Sarah and family. I am a very long term reader but have only commented once before. Hugs to all of you.
Robin,
Love meeting long term readers; thanks for taking the time to leave a comment and more importantly, to pray. We appreciate you!
I am praying that God will bring you peace and comfort through this process. Yall are some of the strongest people I know (or read about, anyways)!
Oh, my. This was not how I expected the story to go when I opened the blog this morning. My love and prayers to all of the Smith family, but EXTRA love and prayers to Sarah. I had a lumpectomy to remove a benign growth at age 16. It was the scariest time in my life and I didn’t have the experience of previous health battles to compound my fear and anxiety.
Much love to you all in what must feel like the longest 10 days to wait…Hope the happy Noah memories make you smile in the next week.
Courtney
Courtney,
Yes, scary is the only word for it–the biopsy AND the wait. So glad your story had a happy ending.
And yes, the Noah Smiles are very good medicine for all of us.
Sarah and Becky, sending prayers and hugs. God be with you.XOXO
Prayers for all of you –
Sweet Sarah – I read this post and then stopped and sent prayers up for you and your family. I believe that God has you firmly in his grip. My sister and I were talking about your family this weekend and how God has molded your life and that you are a living example of not only God in your life but a survivor- he is not done with you yet! Know it and believe it. Becky
What a hard thing to go through, but know your friends are standing in prayer for all of you. Looking forward to hearing the good news that Sarah is clear!
Praying for Sarah and your family.
So very sorry. Hope for very good news in January.
You’ll be in my prayers Sarah!
Praying.
Thinking of you, dear Sarah, and your loving family. You are in good hands, no matter what! I had a lumpectomy when I was 22 and it was benign (not that I share your medical history, of course). The surgery itself is very quick. I will be thinking of you and hoping for the very best results.
Nancy,
Always happy to hear good news and stories with happy endings . . . thanks for sharing.
Will certainly keep Sarah in my prayers. We had to take my dad to the ER the day after Christmas, the day we were celebrating our family Christmas. My brother, sister-in-law and I thought he possibly had pneumonia. The ER doctor thought more along the lines of congestive heart failure. Thankful that neither were found and they determined it was just bronchitis. The nurse said as she was discharging him that not many 88 year old men come in that aren’t admitted.
Phyllis,
Well, that was a wonderful Christmas gift–the fact that he was okay!! So glad.
Praying for all. I had a needle core biopsy several years ago and it was benign — praying for same news for Sarah. May God’s love wrap around each one. Just read this post today. Praying for peace and strength. I am believing there will be positive news. Love to all..
Praying for Sarah, and for you and Steve, also.
Praying for Sarah and the rest of you too as you all go through this together.
Thanks for sharing. I am thinking of you all . Lot of hugs
Thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
Thank you for sharing. So sorry to hear there is another scare – fervently hoping that you will get the “all clear”. Lifting Sarah and all of you so high in prayer you may get vertigo. Love to all xo
My prayers are with Sarah and the family. I have never met Sarah but have come to love her through your posts. When my son Patrick (from Dare) was home for Christmas I told him how grateful I was for your family hosting them for Thanksgiving. He told me all about the meal and your family. His word for Sarah was she is amazing!
Dear Becky, My heart is breaking for Sarah and for all of you. May God Bless Sarah and hold you all close, encircling all of you with his love. My prayers that the intervening days fly by soon and the biopsy results are all clear. Sending Sarah and your family much love and hugs. Take good care, Becky.
Sumathi,
I know you can understand this journey much better than most people. Thank you for your words.
Awww… Becky and Sarah so sorry.. Prayers going up. Hugs to all.. Chin up and keep good thoughts. Gods got this! Need any thing I’m a stones throw away…love ya’s!!
Lots of prayers for Sarah!!!! HUGS!!!!!
So sorry .
Praying.
So sorry to hear this news. As always, you all remain in my thoughts and prayers with a new prayer added that the biopsy will bring good news. Sarah is an awesome young woman who will face this latest bump in the road of her life journey in her own inimitable way. So glad that Nathan and Meagan(and Noah) were there with you to share in person the circle of love, prayer and support surrounding Sarah during this distressing time.
Hugs to each of you. Linda in Pittsburgh
I will keep you in my prayers, Sarah. This is sad and scary news and I feel just sick at the thought of this. God be with you sweetie. I will pray for the best possible outcome. What a blessing to have your family all together now. Big hugs and lots of love and positive thoughts!!
So glad Nathan and family were there to pray with you. Praying for a good report at the doctor’s office and praying for peace and encouragement for Sara and family.
Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers, sending lots of love too❤️❤️❤️❤️
Will keep you in my prayers and my sunday school class will as well!! Sending big hugs and happy thoughts your way… hope all the sickness is gone and stays away..
We had several friend and family with the flu this Christmas as well…. so I hope yours dies not come back!!
Praying!!!
I’ll be keeping Sarah in my prayers.
Saying a prayer for Sarah and for all of you. I’m glad she is getting it checked out. I have a college daughter not much older than Sarah and it really is not something I have even thought much about with her. I’m going to make sure she does monthly exams now.
I’m so sorry she was sick for Christmas too. We didn’t get to see our niece Christmas Eve due to her having the same sickness! I’m thankful Nathan and family were there to offer love and support during all of these things.
Thank you for sharing. Will pray specifically for this.
Jill,
Sounds like a smart idea to encourage your daughter to do monthly exams; that is how Sarah found her lumps. Thanks for the sweet words and the prayers.
Oh Becky, Sarah, Steve, Nathan, Meagen, I just don’t know what to say, you are without a doubt the sweetest, bravest,kindest family……why this is happening to you, I just don’t know……you know I am in Raleigh, only about 80 miles away from Greenville, I will be in Kansas City on the day of the biopsy but if there are (and I hope there are not) any follow up visits, I would be honored if I could come over and sit with you guys……or run errands for you….. or just anything at all…..love and prayers to you all…….Dale Tousley
from the Book of Common Prayer…
O merciful God, giver of life and health; Bless, we pray thee, thy servant Sarah, and those who administer to her of thy healing gifts; that she may be restored to health of body and of mind; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen
i will put Sarah’s name on my church’s Prayer List.
Thank you for sharing your news Sarah. I am sending prayers for you and will be praying everyday that there will be some good news in all of this. Take care and hope you are feeling better from that nasty bug you had.
Sarah and Becky and all. I have no words. Will be praying that all will be well. Know that we your Smithellaneous family are here standing in the gap and holding up you in prayer. <3
Praying the biopsy turns out ok. I know doctors always err on the side of caution.. but that means nothing until you get the all clear report.. which is what we are all praying for..Hoping Sarah’s tummy is better..
I don’t even know what to say. Just know you all will be in my prayers and thoughts.
Sarah, I will be thinking and praying for you. Stay strong and remember, G-D is watching over you.
I rarely comment, but I’ve been a reader for years and years. This post has brought me to tears. I’m heartbroken to hear this news and will be praying feverishly. Thank you for sharing this news with us so that we can pray for sweet Sarah and the rest of the family as well.
Oh my goodness Sarah. I am praying for you and am so hoping this is just a little blip in the story of your life. It is a very good thing that Nathan is home right now, for support from that big brother that loves you so fully. I am hoping for an all clear, sending positive thoughts your way. Thank you for sharing with your blog family, we all care so very much.
Sorry to read this news. Sarah is such a strong person, and that and her faith will get her through this challenge. Prayers to our heavenly Father are being said.
We serve an awesome God and he will take care of your needs. Will be praying! Blessings……
Dearest Sarah and Becky, and the rest of the wonderful Smith family….I have followed you for years and years. You have always had a special place in my heart and although I have not commented for a long time, I have loved reading about your journey and growth. Please know that my prayers for good health and perfect healing are speeding their way to the heavens and across the continent! May the light of God surround you and the love of God enfold you and as you endure this really long and trying time for answers find laughter and grace and peace….xoxo
Oh sweet Sarah (and Becky) I’m so sorry to hear that you are going this. I will be praying for you.
You are always in my prayers but I will add a few extra. I will also send out a prayer request to my Prayer Warriors.
Sarah, please know that you remain always in my prayers…just a little extra hard for the next little while. 😉 Hope your crumby tummy has given up and gone away by now.
For all the Smiths, I’m sorry you had this blot on your Christmas, but I’m so glad you could all be together while much of it was happening. Well, maybe not the vomiting part, but you know what I mean!
You and Sarah continue to be in my prayers…
Becky, Steve and Sarah, I am so sad to hear your news and cried when I read it. Actually I’m still crying. I will be praying for you and asking God for Sarah to be OK, that all will be as good as it possibly can be. Hopefully the biopsy will bring a good result. Hold on to hope: there is always reason to be hopeful for the future. And know that you have many people around the world who are praying and care deeply. Each of you have been incredibly brave through some extremely difficult times and God will be with you again regardless of the future.
Praying
Prayers for Sarah and the family.
Praying for you Sarah and family! I am a breast cancer survivor and know exactly how you are feeling right now. Give it to God because it is almost too much to bear on your own. I did and He took the worry from my heart and I was able to just deal with it better. Keep your chin up and your faith close at hand; we are all standing behind you!
Desera,
I love to read the words “breast cancer survivor.” Chin up. Faith close by!
My heart is broken to read the latest news. I’ve always prayed Sarah wouldn’t remain cancer free forever. I will continue sending prayers that she gets an all clear. Thank you for sharing the news and know that you’re not alone in this latest health challenge.