It hasn’t been an easy week for our little island.
Shortly before Steve and I got home from sabbatical, we got word that a 48-year old woman in our church had gone missing. After intensive searches were undertaken with helicopters, planes, K9 teams, and a search and rescue team, she was found after five days–deceased. (No foul play was involved.)
Deanna and I were not super close but we’ve eaten together several times and, as avid readers, shared books back and forth. After church on Sundays, I could always count on her big smile and a warm hug. Deanna was always among the first to sign up to help cook when we hosted Dare Challenge for Thanksgiving; she had a heart for those with addiction because she had struggled with the same thing.
I spent long hours awake at night during the nights she was missing. I’ll especially never forget one particular morning, sitting in my blogging chair and hearing the helicopters hovering endlessly overhead, knowing exactly who they were looking for. It’s one thing to see this kind of thing on the news or in a city across the continent. But when it is happening in your town and in your neighborhood and you know the person who is being searched for– it is heartbreaking
Deanna’s funeral was held at our church yesterday afternoon.
The church was full. Hearts were full. Eyes were full.
The football team Deanna’s son plays on was there and they stood along with their coach as he said a few words.
People shared memories and stories. More tears fell. I sang. Our youth pastor spoke about losing his own mom two years ago. Steve did a wonderful job preaching.
And we took comfort in the solace that being with people who love the same person brings. One should never grieve alone because it is grieving together that makes the burden bearable.
During the service, I thought of all the smiles and hugs I would never again get from this amazing woman who fought some brave battles in her lifetime. She will be so greatly missed.
A 20-year old girl (related to a church board member) committed suicide and a young man was killed in a motorcycle accident. Two houses burned to the ground and a prisoner escaped while being transferred to the detention center. He was on the loose for twenty-four hours right near the church which required us to lock down our church preschool, which is not something we normally ever think about.
After so many challenges and crises occurring in such a short space of time, the churches decided to organize a prayer vigil. We met down by the waterfront and sang, read Scripture, prayed, and shared hugs. We also made a special point of honoring and praying for our first responders who’d had such a difficult week, especially with the five-day search for Deanna.
So many times, Roanoke Island is painted with a soft, idyllic brush because of its quaintness and beauty and history. But real people live here, people who suffer the most real kinds of heartache.
Steve’s and my calling is to bear the burdens and share the loads. We are honored to weep with those who weep and to walk the hard roads with those whose feet are feeling feeble.
And despite the utter exhaustion Steve and I carried home with us from the funeral yesterday, we also carried the warmth of a caring, connected community. We watched as person after person stood in front of the congregation and spoke words of love to those children and that newly single dad. They promised that they would be right there beside them as the family started off on this new unspeakable, unfamiliar journey.
So if anything good has come from this long week it is that hard times pull together good people. And even if the sorrow of losing a friend in such a tragic way paints our days gray, they are brightened a little by the memory of the woman she was.
Deanna Marie Getman Cook
October 5, 1970 – May 27, 2019
Remembering . . .
How heart breaking! Tears seeing the football players supporting their own! You’ve had quite the week coming back from sabbatical. Prayers as you go through all these trials.
Wendy,
Yes, it really was touching that all the football players showed up to support their teammate. That’s the best kind of friends.
Thanks so much for your compassion and prayers.
Goodness. Such a hard time for your little town. I can imagine the pain everyone is feeling. And especially those family and friends of all of these tragedies. I have been praying for everyone the last 2 days. I pray that they are all able to find some peace and comfort during these trying times. And I pray for you and your family also.
Praying for a better and blessed week for all!
Krista,
You are so sweet to take time to pray and be concerned about the happenings in our little town.
Many blessings to you today!
I feel so deeply for Deanna’s children and husband and all who are hurting in your community. I pray for peace in this devastating time. I hope they have family and friends who just come around them in the years to come and embrace them through this pain.
I’m so sorry your community has faced such loss and tragedy.
Jenna,
You have such a heart of compassion, I know partly birthed out of the pain you have faced in your own life. Thank you for your words and for your prayers.
So sorry to hear of all the heartache in your community. Tragedy has a way of making time stand still and the world spin faster all at the same time. Having struggled with suicide myself, I ask people to rephrase they way they talk about suicide to say that someone died by suicide rather than committed suicide. Suicide is not a crime that is committed, just a tragic cause of death that rips whole communities open. The last battle may have been lost, but somehow I do believe that mental illness never wins the whole war.
(I hope this doesn’t come across as critical of you, Becky! It wasn’t until I found myself thrust into the world of mental illness that the phrase “committed suicide” felt like a punch to the gut.)
Robin,
I am grateful for people like you who take the time to give insight into words choices I never would have thought about on my own. Thank you not just for doing that, but also being willing to be vulnerable and share a part of your own story. ALL of us struggle in different ways and sharing those struggles can be such a great encouragement to others who may otherwise feel like they are alone.
I love your words, “The last battle may have been lost, but somehow I do believe that mental illness never wins the whole war.” Truth spoken from a suffering, brave, victorious heart. Thank you for that.
I really feel you have a heart for those who are suffering. You’ve always been very kind when I’ve commented. I’m sure that lady really appreciated what presence you had in her life. Sometimes being there, listening and not judging are all you can do. Not everyone can be saved.
Kristen,
It’s so true what you sad about being there, listening, and not judging.
Those three steps can mean the whole world to someone who is suffering–especially when the suffering has made them feel so alone.
Thank you for your words and your wisdom.
I feel so bad for you and Steve since coming back. I know we, or at least I don’t believe in luck, but the old saying, if it wasn’t for bad luck I wouldn’t have any at all. It seemed to come in a wave for you. Then I got to thinking you and Steve have been on a sabbatical leave, a time for resting and counseling, and coming back, hopefully refreshed in the Lord and ready to tackle whatever the Lord has for you. I’m sure you didn’t think it would be this soon, but know the Lord has been with both of you through this time. Welcome back!
Sharyn,
Thank you for your welcoming words. 🙂 And you’re right–because of the sabbatical, we were able to walk into a difficult season feeling refreshed and ready to handle the challenges that faced us.
No, we didn’t think it would all hit us so soon but God was truly faithful to help ALL of us through a tough week.
Dearest Becky,
You guys have really been under the fire this week. I cried a few tears with you. You and Steve did a good job taking care of so many details. I’m so glad the church was there to join in. Sending much love and prayers.
Love, Mom
Mom,
You are the only Smithellaneous commenter I can honestly say is THE most important reader I have. When you have given birth to the writer of the blog, you definitely deserve special mention!
Thanks for your prayers for us and our little town. I am thankful to have a mom who prays.
I tried calling you but didn’t reach you. Will try again soon. Love you!
Oh Becky, I’m so very sorry you (and all of your island) experienced such a trying week. From the pictures, it looks like the prayer vigil organized by your church was just what the community needed. Sending love, hugs and prayers to you and all of Manteo.
Sue Ellen,
Yes, I think gathering together like that was comforting to a lot of people. Thanks for your hugs and prayers.
So sad to hear of all the headache. But glad folks are coming together to walk through it. Proud of you and Steve for your always compassionate ministry.
Love, Deb
Deb,
Well, it’s been a tough week, that’s for sure. But it’s encouraging to see the community pull together and love each other and pray for each other.
Thanks for your always encouraging heart.
Prayers for your family and church as well as the people of Manteo. So much sadness and yet God’s comfort is real. A 17 year old girl was bitten by a shark at Ft Macon yesterday. So many water deaths from rip tides. We are here at Atlantic Beach for the week to relax and pray no more accidents this week. God bless. Hugs and love.
Ann–thanks for the prayers.
So sorry to hear about the 17-year old girl and her injuries. So scary!
Wishing you and Jim a happy, relaxing time. You have earned it!
What a tough week you have had to go through..so sorry to hear about all of this. Praying for you and your family
Nicole,
Thank you for your kind words and prayers. A tough week, indeed.
Saddened for our friends are having so much to bear for so many good people and their friends. My God give an abundance of peace.
Jim,
An abundance of peace is just what is needed.
Thank you for your concern and prayers!
Enjoy the week at the beach.
I am so very sorry for all that you all have been through. I will be honored to pray for Deanna and her family as well as the families of the others you mentioned too.
Lee Anne,
I love that you use the word “honored.” It IS an honor to pray for others, isn’t it? Thank you.
Prayers for all the families impacted. Glad the prisoner was captured fairly quickly. I’ve always heard things happen in three’s. I think the island must have had two sets!
We received word yesterday that my mother’s cousin had been missing since yesterday morning. He has not been found yet. He suffers from dementia and depression and is 79 years old.
On a happier note, we celebrated my parents 70th wedding anniversary on Saturday. Their actual anniversary is tomorrow.
Phyllis,
It’s nice to read something on a happy note and 70 years of marriage is a happy note, indeed! Sending my congratulations and joyful wishes.
What a deluge of trials overcoming your little town, an onslaught of despair hurled into the very atmosphere–but, God has called you to prayer, peace and trust– the only elements that make victory come, through Jesus Christ our Lord. He is in the midst, focus on praise and worship for His merciful goodness. Ruth
Ps. 107: 8,9 “Oh that men would praise the LORD for his goodness, and for his wonderful works to the children of men! For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness. “
Ruth,
Thank you for reminding me of that wonderful verse and also reminding me of His “merciful goodness in the midst of an onslaught of despair.”
I appreciate the gift you have for sharing your heart through your giftedness with words.