I was home alone last Friday night when the phone rang.
It was Meagan, and her first words were, “I just love Dad so much.”
Well, that caught my attention; I couldn’t wait to hear what she had to say next.
She continued, “Noah was so excited that Dad was coming over tonight to help Nathan fix the fence. He kept on saying, ‘What time is Grandpa coming? I want to be here when Grandpa gets here.'”
As it turns out, when Steve arrived, not only was Noah waiting for him, he also had a friend in tow. When Steve opened the back of the car to reveal all the tools he had brought, it was like Christmas morning, and Disney World all wrapped up together.
Tools! Too cool!!
Nathan, Steve, Noah, and his friend got everything unloaded into the backyard and started to work.
This picture shows the work that needed to be done. The gate is 8 feet wide, and to open it, it has to be lifted, which requires a lot of strength and dexterity. Definitely not a practical gate for kids to run in and out of.
Watching all of this activity is what caused Meagan’s finely honed gift of observation to kick in.
As she said to me on the phone, “Dad could have jumped right in there, sent the kids away, and gotten three times as much work done in half the time. But I watched him step back, explain the process, and then let Noah and his friend get their hands on some tools and start helping. And that made me just appreciate and love him all the more.”
Now, a couple of things happened on this phone call. Meagan was complimenting both her father-in-law and my husband. And she wasn’t just doing it in her head like, “What a nice thing it is for Dad to let the boys work. I just really love him.”
No, she picked up the phone and put her admiration and love into words; she spoke them into my life so that I could be as proud of Steve as she was. (And of course, Nathan was right there with Steve, also exhibiting patience in the face of a lot of work needing to get done.)
Speaking a word of encouragement is a great thing. It costs nothing and means everything. And so few of us do it.
I once knew a woman who constantly berated her husband. Even when he did something good, she found a way to turn it negative. One time, she actually started a “compliment” by saying, “Well, Peter finally did something right. He built me a raised garden bed in the back yard.”
Peter finally did something right? That’s a compliment?
I’ve thought about that woman often over the years. I realize that her inability to give a simple compliment reflected some deep wounding in her own life. But it is also a good reminder to me to live my life as her opposite, to live a life speaking words of encouragement.
I must admit that many times I have withheld words when they should have been spoken. Sometimes at work, a colleague will walk by who looks especially lovely that day. I’ll think, “Wow, she sure looks nice,” and then I think, “Well, I’m sure she already knows that. She doesn’t need me to tell her.”
And then the moment passes, and I kick myself for withholding something that I could so easily have shared.
Or I’ll see something that Steve did and think to myself what a good job he did on it; however, I don’t let those thoughts become words.
Meagan didn’t hold it in. She thought it, and she spoke it. And knowing her, she didn’t just tell me. I know she told Steve and Nathan as well, thanking them for their work and their patience in allowing the boys to help.
Steve stayed at their house overnight on Friday and worked with Nathan until late dinnertime on Saturday. It was hot in NC this past weekend, with a real feel of 105 degrees. Not only did the guys work hard, but Meagan wrangled their four kids plus the usual procession of neighborhood kids who are in and out of the house. She made a special grocery run so she could serve a salad with grilled steak on it, so the guys could get some good nourishment on their lunch break. She is a fabulous wife and mom.
In closing, here are a few more photos from the job.
Goofing off.
By the way, necessity dictated that the small helpers be sidelined after an hour or two since Nathan and Steve had limited time and a whole lot of work to accomplish. Meagan set up some little orange cones to show the boys where the work zone was. Andrew brought his snacks and his little chair and plopped himself down to watch the entertainment. Such a great photo. (And Steve got to wear some of his favorite work clothes!)
Steve and I are so thankful that both children, their spouses, and our grandchildren all live close by so that these kinds of father/son projects are possible.
It was funny–a few weeks after Nathan and Meagan moved to the Charlotte area, Nathan called Steve and said, “Hey, Dad. I need to drop by in a few minutes and pick up a tool.”
Steve stood there for a full ten seconds trying to process that information. It was so foreign to hear Nathan say something like that since he and his family had always lived twelve hours away. And then the realization hit and Steve happily told Nathan to stop by anytime, so grateful to be able to say those words.
And now, three years later, Dad and son and grandson have been out working in the Carolina sunshine. Steve is passing down his knowledge to Nathan and Noah as they work together on improving the Smith home.
All the while, Meagan looks on, takes note, appreciates, loves–and then makes a call to send that love on down the line.
What about you?
Do you consider yourself a good compliment-giver?
Is it hard for you to receive a compliment? Sometimes it is for me.
Has it been terribly hot where you are? Our whole state is in various stage of drought–in addition to the heat.
Wonderful post, Becky! Nathan and Meaghan are raising some grateful, kind, and hardworking kids. My husband and I have 2 grandkids, ages 9 and 11. We are working on the skills of being grateful, kind, and hardworking with them. It doesn’t seem to come naturally to them. With their folks split, it hasn’t been easy for them. You talk of compliments. I think I’ll try extra hard this week, as I spend time with them, to compliment their good behavior. Too often, I find myself trying to teach lessons of good behavior. That often is met with eye rolls, something I would have NEVER done with my grandparents….
Like you, I’m not good at accepting compliments. But I do notice the effects when handed out. Growing up (I was born in 1964) most adults I was surrounded by handed out few compliments. I think that’s more of a thing with younger generations. I’m glad about that. The comments on this post are interesting! I’m encouraged to encourage and compliment more!! But not in any insincere way.
So here’s a sincere compliment: you are a great observer and blogger! Thank you so much for your writing and photos!
Ann,
What an uplifting and encouraging comment! Thanks for spreading your sunshine.
Isn’t it interesting, as you pointed out, that generations before us did not give compliments as much? Not quite sure I understand the reason for that but glad compliments and affirmation seem to be a little more common these days. I don’t think it’s something that really comes naturally but they are so important.
I love your idea of complimenting your grandkids this week when they do something right. Hope you see good results. (And less eye-rolling.) 🙂
Again, thanks for the encouragement you shared with me today.
So great that 3 generations can work together.
Megan’s call reminds me of a friends daughter in law. She had been out with friends who were complaining about their mother in laws and she was feeling the opposite. She called my friend (who was also the best friend anyone could ask for) just to tell her how much she loved and cared for her and what a great mother in law she was.
I try to give compliments, but often don’t say thank you enough. I need to work on that.
I too find it sometimes hard to take a compliment when I think it is nothing much to do what the compliment is about.
It hasn’t been overly hot by us yet. We were just in Oregon and the 2 days inland were 95+ and I was melting. My cousin had been praying for good weather and no rain and she said, “I think I prayed too hard”…
Patti,
I love the story about your friend’s daughter-in-law. Don’t you just know that made your friend’s whole day to get that call? Sometimes we know someone appreciate and loves us but it is so nice to actually hear the words and know that someone took the time to say them. Love it!
I hadn’t pictured Oregon getting up to 95 degrees. Wow! I think a lot of people are dealing with a lack of rain. Praying for some soon.
What a sweet, sweet post. I’m trying to be more intentional with giving compliments and not just “thinking them in my head” and I’m getting better at it. I often find it hard to accept compliments – sometimes at work someone will complement me for something I’ve done that in my mind is “just what I’m supposed to be doing.” But it does give me a “warm, fuzzy” feeling.
Texas is hot, as usual; but thankfully we’ve had some rain, and a few cooler days “only” in the high 80’s.. I’ll take what I can get while I dream of sweater weather to come (probably not until October or November).
I hope all the Smith’s have a wonderful week!! (But have Nathan and family really been living in NC for THREE YEARS??? )
SueEllen,
That is the best description for how compliments make you feel–a warm, fuzzy feeling.
It’s so easy to think nice things and so much harder to say them. Don’t know why that it is. I’m right there with you on working to switch my thoughts into words.
Meagan and all of you Smiths and Longs are so good at noticing, affirming and complimenting out loud. I loved this account of Meagan’s example of it. She’s the sweetest!
The custom built gate by the Smith men will be such a help in the daily navigations! Love the multi-generational effort–and the sweet little audience!
Thanks for reminding us all of the importance of watching for opportunities to compliment, affirm and encourage. It’s something I need to do more.
Love to you all! ❤️
Deb
Deb,
Yes, that fence will be a huge help to them since the kids will be able to access the back yard without having to run through the house. But what a job it was in all that heat!
Meagan is definitely a sweetheart and sets a good example for speaking out when she sees something positive. I need to do that a whole lot more.
Happy Tuesday in Wisconsin. Wish I was there!
What a precious blog. You can tell how much each one is appreciated. I do give out compliments just because I know they are appreciated and I enjoy letting friends and relatives how much whatever they have done or said was appreciated. Have a hard time when someone gives me a compliment, which doesn’t happen very often. My husband of almost 60 years is not a compliment giving person. So when he does, it is appreciated. His large family was not a loving or complimenting family. Thinking of that lady, she probably came from a family that was very negative. Very sad!
Sharyn,
I’m glad to hear that you enjoy giving compliments; think of how many people whose days you have brightened over the years. And you never know how many people will take your words and remember them for a very long time.
I’m proud of your husband for at least sharing a few compliments when that wasn’t done in the the household he grew up in. Good for him!
Keep up the good work in spreading joy with your words.
Affirmations are so, so important. I’ve always made it a point to compliment ONE PERSON every day – and it’s a bit harder since I work remotely, from home, and see nobody but Mike! I do compliment him frequently, and never back-handedly! For my co-workers, it’s often just a “thanks for the quick turn-around on this request” or “I like the way this is laid out, look great!” – and if I’m at the grocery store or wherever, and I see someone whos hair or outfit catch my eye, I’ll say so.
My paternal grandmother was much like Peter’s wife. She was full of hateful, mean-spirited words, and her “compliments” were always handed out with a side of meanness. She was an incredibly unhappy woman, and I’m sure it was to do with her upbringing in the 19teens/1920s, when her mom (divorced, with five-under-6) put her kids in an orphanage for a few years. It’s really hard to be understanding, even knowing the backstory.
The new gate is lovely, and how wonderful to have all the help! 🙂
Mike is attending a work conference in South Carolina and I’m here, working remotely. It is sooooo hot and humid here – even worse than St. Louis, which is apparently enjoying a nice “cool break” from the summer heat. Figures! haha
Stefanie,
Oh yes, the Carolinas can definitely do humidity! But catch us in the spring or fall and we have some of the most gorgeous weather.
Your story about your grandmother was so interesting and so sad. I can’t imagine being a divorced mom with five young children to care for and making the incredibly difficult decision to put them in an orphanage. And what trauma for children at that young age. As you said, even knowing the backstory, it’s difficult to understand how all that meanness and unhappiness were produced. I know it must have made things hard for your dad.
On the other hand, I’m glad you’re living your life blazing your own trail of encouraging and kind words. We need more people like you!
It is very important to me to give compliments as well. I think you’re absolutely right about that. Life is hard, and letting people know when they are loved and appreciated is a huge gift.
Ellen,
So true. Life is hard for so many and often one quiet word of encouragement or affirmation can make an enormous difference to someone who’s just about the breaking point.
Keep on spreading that joy and affirmation!
Love this post! You and Steve are blessed! And it shows how loving and nurturing parents and grandparents you both are. I also got a smile in the one picture of Nathan and Noah standing with the same stance. They got this no problem!
Karen,
I hadn’t even noticed they were in the same stance until you mentioned it. Thanks for pointing that out! 🙂
This is a great post, Becky. The pictures are a treasure. I love the kids being so eager to help.
My main love language is words of affirmation — I really try to give those words out as well! Yesterday I went up to a younger woman relatively new to our church who owns a lovely coffee shop. I don’t drink coffee so don’t go to her shop, but she has excellent social media. I thought I would mention that to her — I was so glad I did as she was truly delighted and told me it is something she is working on to improve. I kind of felt awkward broaching that subject but was thankful I did as she was so pleased.
Though I love words of affirmation I realized that I like them better in writing — it’s less embarrassing.
Also, I have been meaning to comment since your blog on saving boxes. I don’t struggle with boxes but definitely struggle with jars!! We use ghee from Costco which comes in great jars — but how many do I need?? The spaghetti sauce I buy and also the pizza sauce come useful-sized jars — but how many do we really need?! I make vanilla so I do use them for that and also for sending soup home with out kids…but I think I am about at a point I need to recycle some! It’s hard!
Thank you for your blog, Becky! It’s such a delight!
DeLynn,
What a great idea to compliment (as a non-coffee drinker) that woman’s social media, instead–especially since she was working to improve it. That must have truly made her day to have someone notice it and mention it.
I also prefer to give compliments in writing because I like to get each word just right. But, I do have to say I complimented a woman at work yesterday, mainly due to my blog. 🙂 I figured I’d better practice what I preach.
My mom used to save jars for putting leftovers in so I have memories of a fridge full of miscellaneous jars with miscellaneous food. Sounds like you have found a great purpose for some of your jars. Homemade vanilla? Yes, please!