Sending It Down The Line

I was home alone last Friday night when the phone rang.

It was Meagan, and her first words were, “I just love Dad so much.”

Well, that caught my attention;  I couldn’t wait to hear what she had to say next.

She continued, “Noah was so excited that Dad was coming over tonight to help Nathan fix the fence. He kept on saying, ‘What time is Grandpa coming? I want to be here when Grandpa gets here.'”

As it turns out, when Steve arrived, not only was Noah waiting for him, he also had a friend in tow. When Steve opened the back of the car to reveal all the tools he had brought, it was like Christmas morning, and Disney World all wrapped up together.

Tools!  Too cool!!

Nathan, Steve, Noah, and his friend got everything unloaded into the backyard and started to work.

This picture shows the work that needed to be done. The gate is 8 feet wide, and to open it, it has to be lifted, which requires a lot of strength and dexterity.  Definitely not a practical gate for kids to run in and out of.

Watching all of this activity is what caused Meagan’s finely honed gift of observation to kick in.

As she said to me on the phone, “Dad could have jumped right in there, sent the kids away, and gotten three times as much work done in half the time.  But I watched him step back, explain the process, and then let Noah and his friend get their hands on some tools and start helping. And that made me just appreciate and love him all the more.”

Now, a couple of things happened on this phone call.  Meagan was complimenting both her father-in-law and my husband. And she wasn’t just doing it in her head like, “What a nice thing it is for Dad to let the boys work. I just really love him.”

No, she picked up the phone and put her admiration and love into words; she spoke them into my life so that I could be as proud of Steve as she was.  (And of course, Nathan was right there with Steve, also exhibiting patience in the face of a lot of work needing to get done.)

Speaking a word of encouragement is a great thing.  It costs nothing and means everything. And so few of us do it.

I once knew a woman who constantly berated her husband.  Even when he did something good, she found a way to turn it negative. One time, she actually started a “compliment” by saying, “Well, Peter finally did something right. He built me a raised garden bed in the back yard.”

Peter finally did something right?  That’s a compliment?

I’ve thought about that woman often over the years. I realize that her inability to give a simple compliment reflected some deep wounding in her own life. But it is also a good reminder to me to live my life as her opposite, to live a life speaking words of encouragement.

I must admit that many times I have withheld words when they should have been spoken. Sometimes at work, a colleague will walk by who looks especially lovely that day.  I’ll think, “Wow, she sure looks nice,” and then I think, “Well, I’m sure she already knows that. She doesn’t need me to tell her.”

And then the moment passes, and I kick myself for withholding something that I could so easily have shared.

Or I’ll see something that Steve did and think to myself what a good job he did on it; however, I don’t let those thoughts become words.

Meagan didn’t hold it in. She thought it, and she spoke it. And knowing her, she didn’t just tell me. I know she told Steve and Nathan as well, thanking them for their work and their patience in allowing the boys to help.

Steve stayed at their house overnight on Friday and worked with Nathan until late dinnertime on Saturday. It was hot in NC this past weekend, with a real feel of 105 degrees.  Not only did the guys work hard, but Meagan wrangled their four kids plus the usual procession of neighborhood kids who are in and out of the house. She made a special grocery run so she could serve a salad with grilled steak on it, so the guys could get some good nourishment on their lunch break. She is a fabulous wife and mom.

In closing, here are a few more photos from the job.

Goofing off.

By the way, necessity dictated that the small helpers be sidelined after an hour or two since Nathan and Steve had limited time and a whole lot of work to accomplish. Meagan set up some little orange cones to show the boys where the work zone was. Andrew brought his snacks and his little chair and plopped himself down to watch the entertainment.  Such a great photo. (And Steve got  to wear some of his favorite work clothes!)

Steve and I are so thankful that both children, their spouses, and our grandchildren all live close by so that these kinds of father/son projects are possible.

It was funny–a few weeks after Nathan and Meagan moved to the Charlotte area, Nathan called Steve and said, “Hey, Dad. I need to drop by in a few minutes and pick up a tool.”

Steve stood there for a full ten seconds trying to process that information. It was so foreign to hear Nathan say something like that since he and his family had always lived twelve hours away. And then the realization hit and Steve happily told Nathan to stop by anytime, so grateful to be able to say those words.

And now, three years later, Dad and son and grandson have been out working in the Carolina sunshine.  Steve is passing down his knowledge to Nathan and Noah as they work together on improving the Smith home.

All the while, Meagan looks on, takes note, appreciates, loves–and then makes a call to send that love on down the line.

What about you?

Do you consider yourself a good compliment-giver?

Is it hard for you to receive a compliment? Sometimes it is for me.

Has it been terribly hot where you are?  Our whole state is in various stage of drought–in addition to the heat.